| Adeline 的个人资料DrEam St@r照片日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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DrEam St@r3月8日 BLESSING Today, i realise something which i think i shouldn't know. Although i do feel a bit sad but it doesn't matter anymore. I do not understand why but i know i am not good enough. Not smart, not pretty, no figure.... I can only give blessing..... to something which i know i do not wish to turn back. I shouldn't feel sad but i should be glad for the things that change by times because perhaps that is the best for everyone include me.
I only know that i have made a wrong choice no matter in whatever i do. I tell myself if possible i do not wish to make the same mistake again. I just wish that i can go on my life better and wake up from my dream. Perhaps i am the type of gal that so hard to be understand. Am i complicated? Well, i really don't know bout that. I am no longer a kids....... and cannot laugh like a kids. A lot of things happen that is unable to explain. I can only go on with my life happily and let the past go by.
Well, i know my blog is damn boring .... hehe but i just wanna told those who read my blog that i only write something here when i am feeling unhappy.
Hope you all ignore it if you all feel bored with all this blog......... i just need a place to express my unhapiness.... I hope i can treat everything to be neutral for the upcoming day. i wish to be strong and be more responsible towards my act, my words, my mind, myself and my family because i am no longer the small kids who used to laugh everyday.
Therefore, I do my blessing everyday to myself, those who i love, my frens that they find their happiness. I am glad that some of them found it. Congrat and all the best my fren. 2月3日 My Mind Ehm.... sometimes i think i need someone beside me but sometimes i think is better to be alone. Based on mylife journey i realise that love was not so wonderful as i think. i always wish to find someone who really love me deeply and treat me like a queen but the reality is i hardly fall for a men like that because i prefer a tough guy rather than a good guy. However, a tough guy will never love to treat their gf like a queen but they expect to find an independent gal.. Therefore,i also confused what type of gal am i because the facts is i am always a kid in front of the one i love. I like to be pampered and being love. I always belief in forever love but people will change in time. Undeniable, perhaps i will change too but only i think i will always remind myself to change to become better.
Inside my heart, i really think i have a lot of things which i have not done... i want to rebuild my empire because i want to earn a lot and used it for a better purpose. Although i love shopping,i love to become pretty where everything needs money but i told myself to keep some money and used for a better purpos. Maybe i can start with RM10-RM20 each month. after one year i try to help others using this money. I do think that is one of my dream. If i can earn even more,of course i wanna do plastic surgery since i am so ugly...hahaha and so fat too ....... hehehe
i will slowly rebuild my empire and maybe take the money to further my study, then i may continue my dream in my latter year if possible except there is a miracle that happen then perhaps i can save a lot of times and money. Even until today, i never give up in pursuing my dream. Maybe i am too stubborn or else i am the person who never giveup easily. I belief that the god will only help those who help themselves and therefore,i always stay with my principle. Hope it was not a wrong choice for me to do so.Hahaha.....
I find out two things in my life. At last there is a prove to show me that arrange marriage was not as bad as what others thought (especially for a modern person). There is a good and bad out of it but since i am the type of indecisive and my previous love life do hurt me a lot more than i expected and therefore i decide to cincai choose one partners after i reach the age of 30years old ...hehe...
Secondly, i choose to become doctor in my next life if the god allow me to do so. In this life,my hands always strembling and i think i cannot even pass the test to become a doctor. I find out that the real purpose to become a doctor beside than earning a lot of moneys, is that it is really a job that u can help a lot of people. It can help me to achieve my dream even more.Therefore, i am taking this chance to congrate two of my frens who is a future doctors Miss Or and Mr. Tang. I do not know whether will they read my blog but i guess they wont because my blog is too dull and boring...haha but it is just a place for me to express how i feel. Both of them is a very good person to me because they are kind, Brilliant,responsible,understanding, Never emotional and have most of the criteria to become a doctors.
Finally, i hope those who read my blog do not think that i am actually a pretender but i will try to do my best to fulfilled what i have said..No matter to those who love me and hurt me before. This is my mind at this moment. I do not know will i change my mind but i need time to proof to myself that i must do what i have said.. :> I hope those who read my blog will give their blessing to me so that my dream may come true very very soon.
12月23日 My Empire The nighmare has gone, i have been the unlucky one. Though manage to score for the minimum requirement for second lower but end up cannot continue study again. I am working now, but still finding for a better job. Keep finding for a sunrise. Now, i realise i really love to study alot although i am never be the best students.
Maybe because of that i dun really have much pressure in study except for scoring.... Even manage to built some empire but my empired had collapsed.
Left only dust and sand in the air ..... i am not sure whether do i have the strength to build another one in future but not for now. I dunno why i love study life... although i have never spent much time with my fren due to my responsibility to my family.
i Guess all of my fren may think i am anti-social (One of my fren told me that i am anti-social) HAHAHAHA......... well, i don't really care what they think because i really have something more important to do.. Now my life is very free except working non stop. House and Work, House and Work. At least i have much more free time at nite since i no longer serve my Queen. Compare to others kid at my age, i really feel that i do not have a wonderful teenage life as them. Nothing is perfect in this world, I would thanks god for giving me a chance to serve my Queen, and my minister as not many gals at my age will do. I do not know will this helpful to me in my future. For a Confusion, they have a belief that if the god love you, he will give you a lot difficulties in your life so you may grow up to become a better person. I hope so too.
I no longer have an empire and i quit from serving my beloved Queen, at this free moment, i really hope to enjoy my teenage life but i am no longer a teenage.
I have become an adult. I plan to build another empire in my life which i dunno what type of empire i want. Although i dunno how strong is my second empire but i promise never let go any chance that i have in my second empire. I must learn to protect my second empire and must win in the war no matter how strong are my enemies. I hope i never wasted what the god teach me and find a way to protect my empire, my country, my citizen and my family.
I still continue with my enjoyable things but this time it is just for fun and not for any purpose. Though a bit stupid but i treat it as one of my hobby. I do not feel that pressure but yet wishing to the christmas present that the santa clause will give me a light in the coming year. 6月21日 i keep belief and the god & my grandma will bless meWaiting for Exam Result!!
At this moment my heart is jumping non stop every night because i am worry about my future.. this is the point to determine my future.
and i find this year is the more challenging year for me ... i didn't sleep during exam time due to a few factors... 1st is the one i love who i belief will bless me and 2nd is the one i love who i belief will want me to went through the exam and support me all the times.... without the one i love, i think i would have give up my exam but i tak puas hati... i am not satisfied, my heart ask me not to give up.. i really don't know how i went the time in exam.
i learn to be strong, even i am very very sad that she has leave me and she no longer has chance to see me graduate which i always think is the best present i could give her. maybe she is the one who gave me strength and went through the time. i feel my life is so dark that i have to find a light. however, i have a strong will to go on even i just have 50% to success.
This is because i keep belief that she will bless me and god will also bless me. i must have faith in myself and my effort that i have given so far, maybe i havd not given as much as other but i belief i have try my best... therefore, i hope there is a miracle in coming august or september. May god bless me Q: what a gal and guy think when they break up? Which situation is more painful?When the couple break up what is the girl reaction??? Usually the girl will cry days and nights for a few days and then hate the guy. Later start to critise the guy. I am sure many guys wonder why....i as a girl also don't understand why but perhaps this is the only way for us to tell ourself not to love this guy again... don't be so stupid again...after theye don't love that guy anymore, they will stop all this and be their friends again. Although i am not sure is the usual reaction from a girl but it did happen on many girls.. Nothing is right or wrong.. but it is just depend on how much you love him.. if you don't really love him, i think your reaction won't be so great i guess. What is guy reaction? usually guy don't show their reaction, they only know how to tell others what is gone is gone.. just keep the good memory will do. Lets forget the bad memory but this is totally different from a girl mind, how can u ask a girl who is more emotional in nature and seldom use rational to let go of everything. On the other hand, guys are more rational, altough they are sad but they can still control their life well but this is not the same happened to a girl.
Q2? Which situation is more painful for you? Situation 1 There is a couple who had been together for a several years, they break up because they have tire of quarel all the time or maybe because they no longer suits each other nor they have change their lifestyle.....both party is tire of doing the same things again and again when they meet(ie: gaduh) so they decided to break up... Situation 2 There is a couple who on just for a few years (but shorter than the 1st situation or in a short period), they keep believing that they love each other, but one day when one of the party found out that someone has tell a lie or feel betray by never been know the truth (ie: either the guy think he not really love you or you think the guy not truely love u or when u find out he love other) When the truth reveal, they decide to break off. The question for a thought is which situation is much more painful to you?? I think i would choose situation 2, because or maybe because i am girl, by knowing something you should not want to know is really painful, especially when you realise all this is just an imagination at that time the heart feel so pain like tearing a paper that cannot or hard to be sticked back which worser then in situation 1. every promise that you have made is no longer fulfill because the truth is hurtful. Maybe most of the guy think it is not a serious matter. Girl is different from guy, for ex:, a traditional girl,look at love as something wonderful and forever,love is something you can prove by your heart and not by money nor words. Everyone can tell you how much they love you but seldom got pl who can show their love... love is not easy to prove, time is the best evidence. i only wish one day i will find a guy who willing to go through the thorns and storm, even without torchlight, he will hold my hand tightly and went through difficulty and happiness called life.i will never simply fall in love again... love is something only can be tested by time and mentally.
8月20日 My first experience!! EHm... today is weds and it is the time for me to go to tuition. oopss i am sorry coz i forget to intro myself..hihi, i am jess,16 years old. I don't know why today i feel so special and happy to go to tuition and usually when i know i had tuition, only one thing come to my mind (so boring, wat to do? i still have to go). OH no!! today got a new guy who came to my tuition centre, he looks cute but i don't really care bout his look or wateva.His name is Christ. It is none of my bussiness.
Well, we start to intro ourselves and i am glad to make a new fren. A few months after that.... AT 2pm.MY mum call me"hey, Jess !! JEss!! your fren come to find you!" i was so curious and wonder who coming at this time. I walk down slowly and i was shocked it was Christ. Oh jesus!! How can he find me at this time. This is a first guy who dare to come to my house and it is not suprise that i feel wierd as well.
I walk down and have some chat with him... at the same time i think (Wah this guy really brave!! not scare that my parents will scold him)
Then he ask me to study together ... in my mind..oh really !!but i don't think i am that clever as you think coz i never do my revision yet.
However i agree and after i had changed, i went to tuition with him more earlier.. It end up our plan fail coz none of my frens come and only left two of us.
At that time, so as usual, we never study but we just keep on chatting and unbelievable.. love is blind.. i think i start to admire him. What he attract me is his characteristic.He is mature, intellect and caring.In my eyes,suddenly he become so charm... not becoz of his physically but it is his mentally that attract me the most. Without reliasing, i think i had fall in love with him... i start to care how he look at me, how he judge me, What he think of me?? and like most gals i wish to see him every week...But DOes This mean it is LOVE! i don't know. Maybe yes maybe not becoz i don't really miss him like crazy..
When the PMR exam is near... i realise that myself is doing something stupid becoz he may never fall in love with me. I know that even without try to confess my feeling. This is becoz i know i am too young and not ready to have any kind of feeling. At the end i choose to forget him and concentrate on my study. I hope i can do it. Miracle happen, i just totally forget about him after two weeks... is that fast enough...then i ask myself again after the exam. Do i really love him or just attracted to him or just admire him.
If i really could forget him so easily then for sure this is not the true love but just an admire or maybe just a puppy love. There are only one thing in my mind is i will never forget this guy by giving me an experience for the first time. Thank God as well becoz my result for my PMR is not bad either and all my hard work is being reward by the god.. I think i should thanks the god as well to show me the correct path in my life.. Even until now i still love one sentences of words used by my fren all the time" Don't think too much".... Perhaps as life we shouldn't think too much and just concentrate on what is we supposed to do in the right time. Just let the past go and be happy all the time. IT is useless keep on thinking about it and this is another good sentences given by another fren who is also my good fren. So for now, i just know what i want and i want to pass my exam and keep on with my life. What i really need to do is concentrate on my study... so Lets gambate together!!! GO and find wat you want and work for it before it is too late..hehe
LOve you all gals and guys!!
TAke care and thanks for reading this lousy blog.haha
7月12日 Live and let live!!!Forget the time
when you've been defeated
but don't forget
the victories you've won......
Forget about the days
when you've been lonely
But don't forget
The friendly smile you've seen...
Forget about the days
When it has been cloudy,
But don't forget
Your hour in the sun...
Forget about the plans
That didn't seem to work out right,
But don't forget
To always have a dream...
Forget about Mistakes
That you can't change new,
But don't forget
The lesson that you've learnt.... |
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